Adulting

Well it happened. I'm not sure exactly when or how; but it did. My husband and I realized what life is about. It's not about the car we drive, it's not about the clothes we wear or the social status we have; it's about creating a legacy for our family. It could have been the Dave Ramsey cd's that we listened to that helped us alleviate all our debt or it could be that look of innocence in our son's eyes... either way; it happened.

It doesn't mean that we easily drag ourselves out of bed at 5am when we hear a cry from the other side of the house. However, it does mean that we walk more graciously when we do see that baby monitor turn on when a sweet boy starts to toss and turn. We work a little harder, we save a little more and more importantly, we focus on the moments that really matter. After talking finances, cutting up credit cards and creating a financial standing that we can be proud of, my husband and I have began a journey that will create financial legacy instead of burden for our loved ones. And holy moly- let me tell you... the hope you feel and see is completely worth the lack of a Louis Vuitton that I have oh so badly wanted for many years. The gratitude that we have when we are able to successfully sell and close 13 homes in one month means so much more when we can close our eyes, recognize God our idol and literally see the results of hard work. (And to know that our hard work isn't being used to pay on credit cards for when we made purchases that we didn't have the cash for!)

I turned 28 this last week and for once in my life, my joy came from spending a day with a toddler eating grilled cheese and finger painting instead of being proud of something I purchased or something of monetary value. Adulting doesn't mean that you work your life away, it simply means that you work in order to fund not just your own life, but the life of those brave little people that overtake your home with toys and half-eaten graham crackers. I've never experienced such deep love as I have with my son; with every breathe that he takes, my love multiplies and it has allowed me to more deeply understand how great God's love is for us.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Letters to Hudson

I'm going to start writing letters to my sweet boy into this blog. I already apologize in advance if the letters start to consume the site... I feel often there are so many things I want to share with Hudson that he just can't understand yet. I figured there was no better way than to write them down on my blog! He can read them when he is older and hopefully it will fill his heart with love, like he fills mine each and every day.

My little man,

You are creeping up on being 8 months old and it makes me think about those beginning moments that we had. I often find myself thinking about those first few weeks and I get angry with myself... I did not allow myself to be happy. Our breastfeeding relationship did not come easy and I fought so hard to make it work. I have absolutely no regrets because to this day, we are still nursing and I could not be happier about my decision. But I was so overly consumed in emotion and stress that I didn't get enjoy those tiny little toes more. My hormones were so out of control that I didn't get to kiss on you as much as I wish I had. The first 3 weeks were more of a blur than an enjoyable experience. Although, I think that is the experience that every first time mom endures so I don't think this is a pity party for one. But each time I think I want the chance to re-experience those first few weeks, I think about where you are today. Full of smiles, laughter and personality. You bring so much joy to each day that I cry thinking that you will one day grow up. Each day, you surprise me with what you can do. You are starting to understand our sign language and have fully grasped "All Done." while you don't do it yourself, you fully comprehend when mommy does it. You constantly babble "Da da" and tell us about your day and your little world. You are on the brink of crawling on all fours but you have officially mastered the army crawl. You are incredibly quick! You love being in the jumper roo and will bounce for an hour at a time. You had a fabulous first Christmas. We spent a few days in Rogers, Arkansas with Nana, Uncle Jay, Aunt Molly and Cousin Samuel. We then drove through the night to Colorado to see your Grandmama, Papa, Uncle Will, Great Grandma and Great Aunt Betty. You were spoiled rotten. Your favority gift was a "Rockin' Ridin' Pony" that grandmama got you. I love you little man, you are my heart and the most perfect gift god has ever given me.

Love you, little man
Your mom

Hudson and Nana- Christmas 2014

Hudson's Rockin' Ridin' Pony!

Hudson and Daddy

Your Great-Great Aunt Betty gave you your first taste of sugar... A yummy chocolate truffle!

Giving Papa some cuddles while in Colorado

"God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers."

Lead Me With Strong Hands

As my little man approaches turning 5 months old, I wanted to sit back and put down how I've been feeling the last few days. There is only 1 word that describes how I feel: BLESSED.

I have been a blubbering mess as I sit back and watch my husband transform into a father and a spiritual leader of our family. We have begun praying with Hudson each night and it may just make my heart explode to see how much love is in our family. I have never felt more blessed in my entire life. Having a child really puts life into perspective and I am loving every moment of motherhood. There is a song by Sanctus Real that brings tears to my eyes everytime I listen to it.
Lead Me is such an amazing song and is very dear to my heart right now and is a perfect song for my husband and I.

I hope every father has the strength to spiritually lead his family to bring glory to His name. Afterall, it's because of Him that we have the blessings we do; including those sweet little feet we love to kiss each night!

Newborn Pics

Just for fun- here are a few of Hudson's newborn pictures. He doesn't even look like the same baby!

 

May Our Sons Speak Evil of No One, Avoid Quarreling, Be Gentle, and Show Perfect Courtesy Toward All People

Titus 3:1-2

Intoxicating

Today's quick post is brought to you by a large release of oxytocin. Which is the happiness hormone that mamas get when seeing, smelling or even just thinking of their baby. It's the hormone that helps with milk supply and will often trigger a milk let down. Sitting here today, I wanted to document this moment that I will cherish forever. A moment I have experienced every single day of Hudson's life so far and that I will never forget; the smell of the top of his head. My sweet boy was blessed with a head full of hair and there is NOTHING I love more than the smell of it. It's almost intoxicating! Men will never understand these tiny moments that mean so much to a mother. I already think about how he will one day grow up and that smell will fade... and even if it doesn't, I doubt he will appreciate his mother trying to sniff the top of his head when he walks into highschool. I just want to hold onto these moments because they are currently what I LIVE for.

8-17-2014

Plan C?

For those who were a part of my life while I was pregnant, knew how important it was to me to have a natural birth. I didn't discover that I wanted a natural birth until I was 26 weeks pregnant and I was looking for a more personal experience. Something just didn't feel right with the doctor and hospital I was currently getting prenatal care at. After watching several movies and doing research, I FINALLY found the route that was right for me. I wanted to have a midwife and explore options that involved little medical intervention. I switched from a doctor to a midwife and starting mentally preparing my birth plan. I found a doula that was a God send and I was mentally and physically prepared for the birth of my son.

As I was approaching my due date, I was getting chiropractic care regularly to help ensure that my pelvis was in alignment for my sweet boy to make his journey more easily. It was through this process and mama's intuition (Which I was completely in tune with Hudson's position my entire pregnancy pretty much) that we discovered he was OP. This means that Hudson was "sunny side up" and not in the optimal position for birth. The evening of Tuesday June 3rd, I was doing a Miles Circuit which helps with spinning OP babies, my water broke. I was not having any contractions so I knew that it was going to be a long night and following day because my labor technically hadn't started yet. So I did exactly what no other pregnant woman would probably do, but I laid a towel on the bed... and I tried to get some sleep. Of course I called my mom and let her know that Hudson would be arriving soon and they should begin their drive from Colorado soon. I was planning on laboring at home as long as possible so I knew I better try and get some rest before I started taking the steps to get contractions going. I slept about 4 hours and finally contractions were slowly beginning around 5am. At that point, I got up, made a good breakfast and began drinking lots of water and siting on the birth ball. I also took a nice hot shower to get my body nice and relaxed.

Open Knees to Chest Position

Getting my last adjustment from Dr. Jill DeLong

It was about 7am when I started to feel contractions start coming along pretty regularly. My doula arrived around 8:30am and helped me start working through them. Before things progressed, I called the hospital so that they could notify my midwife that my water had broken. My midwife then texted me to see how things were progressing. She told me that she would be at the hospital around lunch time. My chiropractor came and gave me one last adjustment to check position of baby at 9:15am. While at home, my doula had me try several different positions and I started realizing what felt best and what felt good through contractions. In the meantime my hubby is notifying friends and family that it's game time. I labored at home until my contractions were 40 seconds long. We headed to the hospital around 1:45pm. I checked in; 5cm dilated and 90% effaced! Hudson was in the -2 station. We were off to Labor and Delivery- We were going to have a baby!

It was about 3:45pm when we got to our delivery room. My midwife had prepared it by turning out all the lights, lighting the room with LED flame less candles and had beautiful essential oils burning. We had brought our own speaker and there was music playing the whole time. It was such a beautiful room and I could not wait for Hudson to be born into such a peaceful environment. I labored for 3 more hours and I began to feel the exhaustion at that point. It was now 7pm and my doula suggested that I get in the tub. I labored on my hands and knees in the tub and the pain started to get very intense. My midwife came in and checked. I was now 8cm dilated and 100% effaced while Hudson had moved to the 0 station. She was now able to confirm that baby was OP. Kyle helped me through each contraction and I loved when he put counter pressure on my lower back. My doula rubbed essential oils on my legs and calves while I did exaggerated SIMS position with my midwife in hopes to get my pelvic floor to relax more. It was now 9:30pm. My midwife checked me again at 10pm, I was still 8cm dilated. It was like a light switch, all of a sudden the pain grew from a pain, to my hip may break. Something was different... I asked for an epidural. I could see the hesitation in my midwife's face because she KNEW that isn't what I wanted. 10:45pm, Plan B was in affect and the epidural was placed. At 11:30 pm, the lights were turned off and we all slept. Kyle NEEDED the sleep. My midwife went home to get a little sleep. 1:45am came and the nurses helped me rotate side to side with a peanut ball between my legs to encourage dilation but at 3:30am... I was still only 8cm dilated.

Kyle helping me through a contraction

The moment then came that I wanted to avoid; Pitocin. We started pitocin to get contractions going stronger. 4:55am came and my midwife returned. I was still only 8cm dilated. I was constantly being monitored by taking my temperature since my water had been now been broken for so long. I was checked again at 6:10am, I was now 9cm dilated. It was now time for my midwife to go home. The new midwife came in and checked me at 7:20am... I was still 9cm dilated. I had them lower my epidural dosage so that I could feel more pressure. 7:50am, I was on all fours bent over the back of my bed to try and encourage dilation. I was also rolled side to side with a peanut ball between my knees and was completely dilated by 9:35am. The new midwife checked me and also determined that Hudson was not only OP but he was also asynclitic. (http://spinningbabies.com/baby-positions/all-positions/asynclitism) The midwife seemed confident that we could help him rotate even though I had no water. At 10am, I was pushing full force. I continued pushing for several hours in every position possible. During the lunging position, I could feel Hudson and Kyle could see Hudson but we just couldn't get him to turn his head. The OB on duty then came in and check me and confirmed that Hudson was OP and asynclitic. Since progress wasn't being made, Kyle and I had to make a very difficult decision.

Giving Me a kiss before heading to Operating Room

A private conversation and several tears later, we decided that Hudson would arrive by surgical birth. Plan C was now the only option. Hudson William was born at 2:08pm on June 5th. He was taken over to the warmer and Kyle followed. "Hi Hudson, it's your Daddy!" Hudson weighed 9 pounds and was 20.5 inches long. He was brought over to my chest so I could see my perfect boy for the first time. I was really hoping to hold my son for the first time without being medicated but unfortunately, I was exhausted, hungry and extremely out of it. All I remember saying was "Hudson, you are perfect!"

My first moment with my son;
"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderful you made me; wonderful are your works"
-Psalm 139:13-14

Times and notes of my labor were recorded by my beautiful doula! You can find her information here  if you are looking for a doula to use for your birth!

Feed My Starving Faith

Hello there! Well it's official, I have caved into the blogging world to join the masses of new mothers who wish to document the lives of their most precious creations; their children. I also wanted (actually needed) a hobby and this is a great way for our out of state family to be able to check in on our tiny world here in Norman, Oklahoma. 

First order of business is to let you know why I chose the title Feed the Starving Faith. I was recently blessed with a beautiful son that we named Hudson William on June 5th. Since the day my water broke (which was 2 days before he was actually born), I feel like I have been faced with several life obstacles that have not only been a challenge each day but have been a test of my faith. It's only human to ask why and be curious as to how we were dealt such a crummy hand of cards. But through it all, it's important to know that He will let us bend but He will never let us break. The title of this blog is to be a constant reminder that we cannot feed our faith just in the time of need. The desire to serve Him needs to consume our everyday lives and I want to be a woman of God who is raising her family to love the Lord.